YO guys, this site is about me (:
I don’t really know what I should tell you about me but I’m a very crazy person. Sometimes I seem like I were the happiest person on earth - but that’s not the truth. I can be really, really happy but I can also be so fucking damn upset. That’s why my blog is called “upset but sexy” ‘cuz I know that I’m not really that ugly and unpretty ….. but in school they all calling me ugly, slut, bitch. whore etc. They call me an emo but they don’t understand why I’m an “emo”. I just act like that because they tear me down and break my soul. They’re breaking me. And that’s why I’m sometimes so fucking depressive. But there are other problems…. and those things. That’s all why I cut and hate myself sometimes. I lost too many friends and I was too many times unlucky in love. But now I have a boyfriend since april 2011 and I’m fucking happy with him and I know that he’s the right one. So things got better ‘cuz of him. So if you have any question for me just ask. I won’t bite and I always smile when I see a msg in my ask box. THANKZZZZZZZ x.DROP DEAD.x
THE BOY THAT RUINED MY LIFE!
Well, I hate myself because almost everybody hates me on this fucking planet. There are just a less people that love me for who the hell I am. I hate myself because I fell in love two years ago with a fucking asshole. Everybody tried to warn me. But I didn’t listen. So, that was my own fault. He played with me and I didn’t even realized. I thought he’d really like me - but he was just lying and pretending. He told me those fucking lies and I believed him. I never thought about that he could be just lying. Before he started to be that fucking polite & sweet to me, I always thought that he’s just an idiot. But well, I am a fucking lil’ slut that believes every fucking jerk. So someday I added him on a social network. But he didn’t answer. So I added him a second time. Then I got a msg from him. It said: “Omfg, are you in love with me?! Who the hell you think you are to believe you’re allowed to love me?! You’re so disgusting and so ugly. No one could ever love you!! You’re such a disgusting slut. Fuck you bitch!!”. And these words are still in my head. Although he broke me I couldn’t stop loving him for a long time. After a half year I got over him. But then he came around and touched me and got very sexuel to me. I didn’t want him to touch me, but he beated me when I wanted to difense myself. It was a fucking hard time for me. Since this fucking hurting msg I started to cut myself again. Now I’m cutting for five years now. He was the one that broke me really. Because of him I stand in front of the mirror crying and screaming at my face on the mirror: “I hate you!! You have to erase yourself from this surface!! You’re not worth living here !! You’re such a fucking mistake!” I was just a fucking mess…..
I JUST DID NOTHING
I never left the house. I just left it for going to school. At the weekends I stayed at home, spend the whole nights at the computer and wasted the whole days with sleeping! I just did NOTHING! I slept ‘til 5pm and my parents were angry, ‘cuz I did nothing. I just felt so empty and I didn’t want to go out ‘cuz I thought: “What should I do outside? I have no friends I could visit, no hobbies I could do oustide and also no where to go. I’m just a mistake!” It was a really hard time and I think I just felt this way ‘cuz of the boy who ruined my life. Sometimes I didn’t eat anything a whole day. I just felt like eating. I just wanted to be loved, but I thought no one could ever love me. I just cutted and wrote a lot of suicide letters that I could give to my parents, but it never came to my death.
EVERYTHING GOT BETTER
My life got better. Why? Because I met a boy who thought I was beautiful! And this boy is now my boyfriend since the 9th of April 2011! Yes, we’re still a couple and we both are fucking happy together! It was like God send this angel to me to save my life. At the point in my life where nothing made sense anymore I met him and everything started to get better! He made me feel alive! I never thought that someone could ever fall in love with me! It was just amazing! My life is saved and I stopped cutting and I think it will stay like this!
THANKZ FOR READING!!!